Emmanuel Eboue has admitted that being banned from playing the game he loves has driven him into depression - with the ex-Arsenal defender admitting he has even thought of suicide.
The Ivory Coast defender is currently serving a one-year FIFA ban after refusing to pay an agent, which resulted in his contract being cancelled by Sunderland earlier this season.
The 33-year-old is training with a semi-professional club in London to maintain his fitness but, in a fascinating recent interview withThe Telegraph, admitted his exile from football has been one of the toughest periods of his life.
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"There are a lot of days when I don't feel like getting out of bed," he said. "One day I wanted to kill myself. My family keep me strong, it's them that I have to think about but if I was alone, I worry about what I'd have done to myself by now.
"There are times when I stay in my bedroom and don't come out. One, two days in that room. Alone. I lock the door and am just thinking. I spend a lot of my time reading the Bible and will say, 'Emmanuel, why are you doing that? It's no good for your family'.
"My son Mathis is seven and plays for Arsenal's academy. Every time I go there with him people ask me what's going on and it makes it worse. 'Emmanuel, have you retired?' So I have to explain my situation. It makes me more depressed.
"The people who know me, when they see my face, they can tell I'm not happy. This is the lowest I've been in my career, it's a bad time."
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Eboue admits that his situation has been made more difficult by a lack of contract from his friends and colleagues, including former Arsenal teammate Kolo Toure.
When Kolo was serving his ban, I was always talking to him,� Eboué said. He's had some difficulties at Celtic so I understand [why he's not been in contact]. I'm not going to say something bad.
"All of them are my big brothers. I know they know my problem but I hope one day they will call me. Of course it's disappointing. I thought the friendship was stronger. You have to be friends in difficult times. But that's life. I take it in a good way.�